That long ago epiphany proved accurate. I just didn't have it in me to be bad – not even for the sake of a triumphant recovery. However, I did eventually find an outlet for all those rebellious impulses I couldn't quite muster up for "real life" – role playing games.
Although I have played a variety of characters in an even larger selection of game campaigns over the years, a common theme appeared a majority of the time: my comrades and I often played fast and loose with the law of the land. We weren't really bad, we just didn't quite agree with the game world's definition of "right."
This tendency reached a high-point when my Hubby decided to run a game set in the Star Wars milieu. As members of the rebel alliance, we got to flout the law while remaining unambiguous heroes.
The role playing group we belonged to had just lost a number of members due to players graduating college and leaving the area, so at that time we were down to six members: Hubby, me, Hubby's brother, and three other ladies. We had all played together for quite a while and had long enjoyed a mature yet playful banter among the various members. In-game flirting was rampant.
Early in the campaign, our little rebel band wound up on the planetary equivalent of Las Vegas in a perpetual state of Carnival. Due to a major non-player character we needed to keep an eye on – and perhaps protect – it became a logical idea to make the planet our home base. So, through a series of carefully played encounters, we were taken on as partners in one of the casinos: The Four Ladies.
Not only did we live in party central, we lived in a penthouse on top of a casino. Part of the partnership agreement was that we became the casino's mascots – which rather quickly morphed into being strippers. We had a lot of fun with that. However, we were still a rebel cell, so we needed to go out on missions. What we needed was a cover. Hmmm.
It all fit together rather nicely. The casino sponsored publicity tours where the Four Ladies and their handsome bodyguard toured the galaxy in comfort and style, merrily subverting the empire at every opportunity. Although the innuendo could flow fast and thick, and we all enjoyed joking about our exotic cover story, we actually spent most of our time doing the Rebellion's work.
There are many past campaigns and characters I remember fondly, but nothing else quite matches those few months when a group of mature, confident women laughed and played and pretended to be exotic dancers so we could break the law and save the day.
It was delicious fun, being that "bad" girl, but – alas – I can't repent, and I don't want redemption, so I still won't be a superstar ex-sinner. Ah well. I'll just have to enjoy the memories.